I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize