so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
