I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
