I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Boobs speak an international language.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
