BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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