So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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