I wish my penis had an off switch
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i think i have herpe
just one?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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