Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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