cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
