i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
