According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
