and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
