I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
