i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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