Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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