And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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