the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
