I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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