If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
