I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
