my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
