She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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