So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
