Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
