i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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