So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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