Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Never underestimate the power of titties
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
