whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
