6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Mom said you looked used
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
