yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
