I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Text me some of your sweat
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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