I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
