At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Girls should come with a carfax report
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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