The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
