we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
