but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
