Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
