My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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