there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
