I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
how drunk are you?
Several
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
