ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
