awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I supernannyed him into submission
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
