grandma shit on top of the toilet
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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