My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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