The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
