So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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