Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
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And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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