You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
