I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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