I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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