I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
