The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize