i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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