Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
