well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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