Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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