I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
