I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
