can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
