I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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