omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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