I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
