I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
