we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
