HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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