R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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