you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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