Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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