i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you win again, gameday.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
