I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
