We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
