Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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