Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
